Choosing to divorce a spouse is one of the hardest decisions you’ll ever have to make. And the divorce itself may be one of the hardest experiences you ever go through. Even if you and your partner both have good intentions and minimal disputes to navigate, this could turn into an emotionally wrought, devastating battle for both of you.
That’s the truth: divorces often get messy. But with the right strategies, you can keep yours relatively clean.
Hire the Best Lawyer You Can (and Do It Early)
First, hire the best divorce lawyer you can afford. Your lawyer is going to be your advocate and personal representative throughout this process. They can help you understand the process and nuances of divorce, and they’ll represent you in negotiations, strategizing sessions, and even in trial if your divorce goes to court. The better your lawyer is, the better they’ll be able to represent you and the more value you’ll get from the relationship.
Additionally, you should hire your lawyer as early as possible. If you’re still in the consideration stages, start talking to divorce lawyers so you can have an advantage going into the divorce. The moment your spouse talks to you about divorce, hire an attorney. You’ll be glad you did, as they can help you through all the preliminary stages with their expert advice.
Follow All Your Lawyer’s Advice
Speaking of lawyers’ expert advice, make sure you follow it. Your lawyer is probably going to make recommendations to you about how to manage your finances, how to plan around the divorce process, and how to get an edge in negotiations. You will be free to deviate from these recommendations, but it is unwise to do so.
Set Your Emotions Aside
Divorce is an inherently emotional, distressing process, but it’s important to maintain control of your emotions. The more stoic and resilient you are, the more logical and rational you will remain. You won’t make impulsive or reckless decisions based on a temporary emotion, nor will you fight for things out of spite or malice.
This may be exceptionally difficult, especially if your spouse is not in control of their own emotions, and even more so if there is much at stake. However, it’s your obligation to yourself to keep your emotions at bay and make the best, most objective decisions you can.
Do Not Resort to Malicious Tactics
Some people, after anticipating divorce, resort to malicious tactics to give themselves an edge. They may take money out of joint accounts and attempt to spend it or hide it. They may broadcast their feelings about the relationship in an attempt to win public support. They may even lie, manipulate, or intimidate if they feel they are under threat. All of these things will make your divorce unnecessarily messier and could put you in a much worse position.
Know Your Priorities
Your lawyer can help you with many things, but they aren’t able to decide your priorities on your behalf. Instead, you’re the one responsible for determining what your priorities are. Would you rather win the house or custody of your children? What are you willing to give up for your biggest priorities? The better you understand these things, the easier it will be to negotiate a winning position.
Keep Things Private
As much as possible, keep things private. You may want to vent on social media or to the people closest to you in an effort to process your feelings or get validation. But while there’s certainly nothing wrong with expressing your emotions, it’s best to keep your marital issues and divorce drama to yourself until things are finalized.
Consider Mediation
If your divorce is amicable, and you feel your partner will work with you in good faith, consider mediation. Mediation is a process designed to minimize expenses and achieve a fair, equitable outcome for both parties. In this process, you and your spouse will openly negotiate with the help of a neutral third party. It’s not the right fit for every couple, but it’s always worth considering.
Be Ready to Make Sacrifices and Compromises
You may have a long wish list of things you want, but you’ll need to be ready to make sacrifices and compromises if you want the divorce to go smoothly. It’s almost impossible to get everything you want, so if you already have some concessions in mind, everything will be much easier.
Ignore Non-Expert Perspectives
Finally, ignore the thoughts and perspectives of non-experts. Your friends and family members may have strong feelings about what you should get or what you should fight for, but your lawyer’s advice always needs to take precedence.
Even following these strategies, your divorce may become acrimonious and chaotic. But if you’re making an effort for things to go smoothly, you’re still likely to end up in a better position.